


End of the End

by Alahnore



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-15
Updated: 2013-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-23 13:39:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/927132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alahnore/pseuds/Alahnore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Dear Yuri, I'm sorry. I guess I haven't been as okay as I thought."</p>
            </blockquote>





	End of the End

**Author's Note:**

> Song used is property of Akiko Shikata. Characters and setting are property of Namco Bandai. All rights reserved.

_Dear Yuri,_

_Your dark humor persists even when you do not. Lady Estellise told me of your morbid words near the beginning of your journey... that cliff over-looking the ocean with the unmarked tombstone. Where you wondered if that was your fate, to be buried away from civilization, from the empire and home._

_In a way... I suppose, that was your fate. You have vanished from us, and over a month of searching we find nothing. All we have left of you are what you left behind: a sword and the memories. The sword shall mark your grave, even though no body shall lie beneath it. All we've left then are the memories._

_I wish... I had more than that._

_\--Flynn_

  
He seals the letter, dripping the candle wax over it and pressing it down with his bare fingers. Naturally he feels nothing, because it doesn't hurt or burn. It's hard to feel anything when something else hurts more.

He writes in neat, flowing script the receiver's name, and when he loops the last 'l' of Lowell Flynn shuts his eyes and throws the pen, trailing droplets of black ink. He doesn't even care.

He sets the sealed envelope aside for now, slumping in his chair. Under the armor his entire body shakes, and while he had the moment alone he covers his face with his hands.

Nothing else hurts as much as this.

_/ The rainbow has rusted in the rain of yesterday,  
while the blue of the sky downpours on my empty eyes... /_

 

_Dear Yuri,_

_Thanks to your friends, many refuges of Zaphias now settle here on Hypionia. With the assistance of Kaufman of Fortune’s Market, we will be housed in proper buildings instead of shoddy tents._

_I am in the debt of your friends. Thanks to them, many lives—including my own—were spared the clutches of monsters. And even now, they continue to persevere, continuing the work they firmly believe you would have them do. I too, believe you would approve of this._

_I miss you, Yuri. Seeing them only made me want to see you among them. Your damnable smirk, your confident stride… even that secret sadness and doubt, your frustrating habit of picking the choices that were bad for you because you were ready to shoulder the blame; the good and the bad, I miss you. You should be among them, walking with them… and you claim you were not the leader, but you led them, Yuri. You led them to the true persons they had in each of them. Hell, you led me._

_A town will flourish here. I know not what we shall name it, but I shall plant your sword near here. A land where equality is the beginning, not a forced change... I think you will be happy with that._

_I will carry out my promise. Here, and in the empire. Being a Commandant, and you being gone, does not stop that promise._

_Rest in peace, my friend._

_\--Flynn_   
  


Pleased with this one, he seals this envelope and sets it in the ‘good’ box. The other box, filled to the brim with letters full of stupid sentimental unimportant things, he ties closed and sets aside to be burned later.

Writing letters did not bring Yuri back, but Flynn feels slightly better to put to paper the words he wishes he said aloud. They say better late than never. Flynn feels those words were far too optimistic, but he clings to them regardless. Maybe, somehow, these would get to Yuri. It is the only hope Flynn has left.

He sets the writing utensils aside and turns the lamp off. Another day was going to come, whether he sleeps or not. At the very least, Flynn could live up to his promise… and to do that, he must rest.

_/ The fruit has fallen and has been coated in dirt,  
while the lingering scent of the blissful days rises over and over. /_

 

_Dear Yuri,_

_Aurnion is the name of this little town. Lady Estellise named it… the land of new hope, I’ve heard others call it. It’s slow going, but we have houses now, thanks to the guilds. With some support from the empire we have the resources to continue building the town up._

_It’s a beautiful place. Although there are some Nobles here, even they have set aside their silks for work clothes and persevere with us. It will be here, where there are no ranks and the people clasp hands together as one people, that the empire and guilds come together as well._

_You would be so proud of everyone._

_I like to think you are._

_Your friends… they have gone to stop Duke within the Tower of Tarqaron. Grant them your strength, Yuri. They need it more than I do._

_Rest in peace._

_\--Flynn_   
  


He checks to make sure the letter was properly sealed before he places it in the little hole in the ground near the solitary sword, gently sweeping the dirt back over it. With practiced motion Flynn pats the dirt down until it was smooth, standing up straight and pressing his fist to his chest.

This was all he had left.

_/ Without any notice, my strings snapped… /_

 

_Yuri,_

_The world is saved. The blastia are gone, and now we all must work together in order to live. It is a new world. I wish you could see it._

_Things are not so simple however. People still must adapt, but with the knights and the guilds together, the cities stand strong against the monsters. It seems the aer has balanced itself though, for the monsters are noticeably less aggressive. Lady Estellise has become the Head Chancellor at the behest of now Emperor Ioder, and with her working with me the equality you lived for, fought for, is slowly but surely being realized._

_It is a fresh new world, born before my eyes, under my hands. A world you should also be a part of. It pains me that you died within the clutches of the old world you loathed…_

_Wherever you are… may it be as beautiful as this new world I help shape. Your words are my inspiration, your memory ever my motivation. I once said to you, once you die that was the end._

_Why is it… that it must be your death that teaches me otherwise?_

_Even after you’ve gone so much of you is left, even if just the memory. Your words, your actions, continue on in not just me or Lady Estellise, but the others as well. Repede, Rita, Judith, Karol, Raven… even Emperor Ioder, Ms. Kauffman, Natz. The guilds and the empire… you have left such an impact on so many individuals that it reflects on the whole. You are the true hero, Yuri._

_Even if you would despise the words, your deeds,_ not _mine, are what made this beautiful new world so possible. Wherever you are, I hope you see what you’ve done and take pride in it._

_I wish you were here. More than anything, that is what I want… even if it’s so selfish._

_Rest in peace._

_\--Flynn_   
  


He hesitates, the ink pooling at the final _n_ of his name. Slowly he puts the pen aside and down, staring at the papers and debating if this would be the one to bury next. It seems he was doing more burying than living nowadays.

But with his best friend gone, Flynn is not too surprise by that discovery. It doesn’t make it any easier. Little by little he was burying himself with each letter. He just wishes it goes to where he wants it go. Maybe one day the collective parts he buries will be reformed wherever Yuri was. Perhaps the other him was free of pain and scars were no longer on his heart. But the latter was simply wishful thinking.

He slowly folds the papers. The new world was outside, beckoning him, and he longs for the old world where Yuri exists even now.

_/ The shining teardrops fell over my cheeks,  
leaving scars that will never fade. /_

 

_Dear Yuri,_

_Happy birthday._

_You normally hate when I bring that up, but I told Lady Estellise. She ended up gathering everyone and we had a little celebration in your honor. I don’t think, though, we’d be able to do it every year. But I think you would appreciate us still gathering once in a while._

_It has been a while since my last letter, I apologize. Work has built up and I let it wash over me. Between management of the knights, I have stationed myself in Aurnion and dedicate myself to this place’s safety. Monster attacks still happen, but so far, nothing too serious. Natural occurrences like landslides or such happen when the weather takes a turn for the worse, but we manage._

_Included with this is a little box of your favorite treat from the Zaphias inn. Ted has moved here, bringing some to me. We always split it, and so I continue that tradition._

_Ted says he wants to become a Knight. I was surprised; he was a bit like you and oft spoke ill of the knights. But I guess since the Schwann members helped the Lower Quarter, he has been more open to the idea. When he is fifteen, I think I will induct him into the squire program. Do you remember that? We were going to start there, but then you came down with the flu and I held off joining. We ended up enrolling directly into the Academy because we were eighteen by the time we got the money back up._

_Ted says he’ll be the knight you wanted to be._

_Please be proud of him. I am. I think everyone is. I think he’s doing it partially in your memory._

_Rest in peace._

_\--Flynn_   
  


Flynn seals the letter and folds his hands over it, bending down and resting his forehead on top of them. It had taken him a good few hours to put this one together. Too many times Flynn finds himself writing unnecessary, unimportant things. That box of unsent letters had long since grown. But even if he knows he’ll never ‘send’ them he can’t bring himself to burn them either. His thoughts, his feelings, were on those papers in some form. Maybe when he stops being a coward, he’ll bury them all at once.

Flynn sits up and ensures the letter is sealed properly before he rises from the desk, picking up the box of sweets and carrying them out. The people outside giving him passing greetings, but the ritual was well known to them now and no one stops him. Flynn is grateful. He knew it bothered some people… but they knew he needs to do this.

Outside the gates, Repede waits for him. Flynn is grateful for the time Repede spends here in Aurnion with him, knowing the canine was hurting just as much as him. Flynn spares a moment to stop and kneel next to Repede, letting him sniff the box and letter before he gives Flynn’s face a small, encouraging lick. It takes all of Flynn not to drop the items and hug the dog. He manages to just give him a few pats before standing back up.

He shuffles his way to the grave, carefully dropping to one knee. He checks the sword’s condition, making sure it does not rust, then begins the task of finding a place to dig near it so he might bury the box and letter. Repede helps locate a spot, but Flynn doesn’t let him dig. This was his ritual. It was his choice to bury these things.

Bury yet another piece of himself.

_/ I scream broken songs with my shattered heart,  
as if it was to drown out this pain. /_

 

Days pass and Flynn grows older. Days pass and the world flourishes, grows anew as he leads with the others. Blastia are becoming things of the past, but even still Flynn finds himself wearing his with his uniform. It was a symbol, with both good and ill attached to it. He was a man of the old world, a man watching the new world form.

Flynn watches Karol’s progress in leading Brave Vesperia, assists Raven in his few attempts to half-integrate himself back into the knights, speaks with Estellise and Judith about relations of the new Unified Order and accepting Myrozo and few living Entelexeia into it. He takes care of Repede while he remains in Aurnion, but soon Flynn notices the look on the dog’s face; he brings him back to Zaphias where he stays to become an official dog knight, stationed with an old acquaintance that once trained Lambert. Flynn overseers the fixing up and reconstruction of the Lower Quarter before he forces himself back to Aurnion, unable to bear the heartache of seeing his home so empty without Yuri.

But being near his grave makes it no easier of a cross to bear.  
  


_Yuri,_

_I’m sorry. It’s been a while. A long while. I’ve lost count really. So many projects go on at once and I have many half-finished letters that I attempted to write to you between working. As you can see, it never worked out, so here is a new one._

_The Lower Quarter is fixed. The new water system placed into it ensures fresh water at all times, filtered and treated to avoid potential illnesses. We’ve also expanded it a bit so everyone has more room. Fortune’s Market has helped with moving economy through it so it sees more business and jobs. It looks beautiful. It’s not frivolous like the Noble’s Quarter, but the simple aesthetics… the roomier appearance, the fixed buildings and the smiling people. Our home is so beautiful now._

_No. I’m not there. I’ve returned to Aurnion. I must continue my work, to fulfill my promise. Politically things are going well but change is hard for the older members of the council. Emperor Ioder and Lady Estellise continue to work with them, but it will still take some time._

_Repede has returned to Zaphias some time ago. I brought him with me when I went to see over the work on the Lower Quarter. I don’t have the same bond as you do with him, but he was clear and patient with me when conveying his desire to join the other dog knights. He’s a bit old, but the trainer was more than happy to take on one of Lambert’s sons. He’ll help in keeping the Lower Quarter safe, and that gives me—and hopefully you—peace of mind. He looks just like Lambert in his armor… It’s a bit lonelier without him here, but, I believe I manage well enough._

_I miss you. I’ve written this so many times but I don’t think you’ll ever understand just how wrong it feels to know you are nowhere within reach…_

_Ted turns fifteen in a couple of years. He’s excited to start his training. I’m tempted to induct him early; I think he’s plenty healthy and eager to do so._

_Unfortunately I do bear bad news. Hanks has become ill and cannot leave his home. With us now living off practical medicine instead of artes, the doctors are unsure if he will last much longer. Lady Estellise is having a hard time not calling upon her natural magic to assist him, but the spirit Undine frequently appears to remind her of her oath to not use that power until she masters the use of mana without relying on the spirits._

_I will visit Hanks soon. If he has last words for you, be assured I will include them._

_Although… I suppose you’ll see him, won’t you?_

_Yours,_  
Flynn  
  


The letter was ominous in its timing, Flynn learns. It seemed shortly after burying it Hanks’ health took a turn for the worst. Flynn tries to leave Aurnion to visit him, to see him one more time, but pressing concerns of the area’s monster population forces him to remain so that he might assist in defending the town. By the time Flynn sails back to Zaphias, Hanks had already passed away.

All that was left for Flynn was a letter and yet another gravestone to face. Just because there was a body under it, doesn’t make it any easier.

_/ Embracing the tomorrow overflowing with punishment,  
I endlessly repeat your name. /_

 

Years pass. Flynn finds himself cutting into the dirt with his sword, eyes devoid of any emotion, face set in an emotionless mask. He knows he frightens many now.

He frightens himself.

But it hurts so much that he doesn’t care anymore.  
  


_Yuri,_

_I found out. I know she did it._

_I made sure she will never hurt anyone else again._   
  


Flynn slams his sword down one more time before his knees meet the earth, his sword now the only thing keeping him from falling to the ground.

The brightness of the day was mocking him.

_/ The miracle ran away, stolen from the tip of my fingers;  
our firm vow is drowning in the darkness. /_

 

_Yuri,_

_Ted graduated the Knight Academy. As much as I would like to keep him in my previous brigade, his potential lies elsewhere. He’ll be transferred from the Aurnion Training Camp to Heliord. His family is so proud of him. I am proud of him. Surely you are too._

_He looks older now. He’s only just now entering adulthood but he has grown so much. It’s hard to believe its Ted. Gone is the shaggy haired innocent boy. He’s a young man now, groomed and clean, righteous and learned. He has a few quirks that keep his superiors complaining, but they are so characteristic of you I don’t have the heart to try and train them out of him._

_Repede has sired his third litter of puppies. I actually just found out it was the third. When I was told I thought it was the first. They say each one looks just like him, although so far, I haven’t heard of any biting their potential knight partners in the face. I think he teaches them not to. In these latest litter, Lady Estellise was so happy to tell me that Repede brought her one of his pups. Supposedly they get along much better now, and she thinks him entrusting her with a puppy is the final sign he likes her. Although he still rebuffs her attempts to pet him, he does come by to check on her taking care of the puppy. I think she named him after you. She doesn’t normally bring him on her trips here to Aurnion. Probably won’t until he’s older or done with training. I’ll be sure to tell you all about Puppy Knight Yuri as I hear of it from her._

_Would you believe the past few years Lady Estellise and Emperor Ioder have been attempting to push me into the courting scene? Lady Estellise is a bit more subtle, but Ioder, always so straight forward, has told me to my face he would like to see me married. Noblewomen are tiring. Many still prattle on about things that mean so little._

_Aside from Nobles there have been attempts to have me meet other women, from the guilds and empire alike. I can’t say I’ve been receptive. Actually I know I haven’t. I’d rather work than waste my time at dinners or outings I don’t necessarily have to be at._

_You may get a kick out of this. For a few months I had many thinking I was on the path to marriage. I actually was seeing a woman those months… you never met her though. She was from Nordapolica, and she moved to Aurnion to help the Pallestralle representatives. No, I’m not giving you her name. Of course, you also see where this is going, obviously. Things didn’t work out._

_That’s mostly my fault._

_Maybe it’s all my fault._

_It’s not fair to her if I don’t feel the same. I can’t marry someone on the basis that royalty want me to. I’m sure after you finish laughing your ass off you’d agree with me._

_As time goes by I wonder… would you and I still be best friends? Would we still know each other best? Maybe if you were alive right now, you wouldn’t agree. Maybe if you were alive right now. I want to go back to the time you were alive. To the times I knew you were out there running around, doing things your way. To the times we’d run into each other, squabble like normal, and still make it out friends in the end. Old times, they say._

_As you can see, the years are getting to me. It’s been awhile since I gave you such a long letter. I got a little sentimental. I know you dislike ‘sappy’ things…_

_So I’ll just end this here. Until next time._

_Yours,_  
Flynn  
  


He runs a hand through his hair, then pulls the little hairband free so the tiny ponytail spills loose. It wasn’t very professional looking to have his hair grow out. Idly Flynn thinks he should go get it cut.

Idle thoughts like these meant today was one of the better days.

He supposes that can no longer be the criteria for a ‘better day.’ If it were a better day, he would actually sleep, instead of attempting to avoid it. What he sees behind his closed eyes repeatedly rips his heart out of his chest then slams it back in.

Years of it and it still hurts. It wasn’t even a scar yet. Flynn wonders if this will ever scar over. A part of him actually hopes it won’t.

_/ In the many nights in which the nightmare pulls my weak legs,  
I seek the days that will never return. /_

 

_Yuri,_

_You know, I knew that I couldn’t cook._

_I know you kept trying to be encouraging and not hurt my feelings or something over it. Every time I failed you’d grin, bear it, wish me luck and give vague advice. I wonder if you were mocking me or just being nice._

_It’s my birthday today. My thirty-eighth. They stopped bothering trying to celebrate it around my thirty-fifth. I think it’s been a bit of a relief… it’s just another day to me. I can work on this day. It’s yours I’d prefer to have a bit of a break, so I can properly write you a letter and get you ‘something’…_

_I don’t know what possessed me to do it. Ever since they all finally stopped celebrating mine, I found myself attempting to cook on that night. Thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-seven… I was normally fine with my food, but on those birthdays I couldn’t stomach what I made. It was odd._

_But today. Thirty-eight. I did it._

_I gave up on appearance. I didn’t care what it looked like. Truth be told it could be called plain or a mess. But I ate it, and I can stomach it._

_It’s too sweet for me though. You though… you’d like it. I wouldn’t mind making it for you if I could exactly recall what I did right. I just tried to recall something you made for me once and tried to replicate it. Too sweet, not quite so neat, but edible._

_Every bite I take I end up liking it a bit more though. Maybe in my old age I’m developing a sweet tooth like you had. I’ll box up some… send it off with this letter._

_Send it off. That’s my term. It’s been my term for almost fifteen years._

_It’s been seventeen since though. Time flies, huh? We still have sovereignty, but Nobility is no longer the same social standing as it was before. Everyone is about equal on that. I think, in many ways, our promise is fulfilled with that. The Lower Quarter isn’t even called the Lower Quarter anymore. It’s just as pristine as the rest of the city. Crime rates are down and those who commit them are punished, regardless of social standing. Guild, empire, rich, poor, everyone is equal._

_Seventeen years. But I think, for the empire, that’s a short time. We did it, Yuri._

_But I’ll keep working. Neglect won’t nurture the promise. I’ll do my best, as always._

_Yours,_  
Flynn  
  


Finally. He sets the pen aside and takes a breath, letting the façade fade. These were getting harder to write, so he had to pretend some sort of optimism. Otherwise he’d fill them with sappy, over emotional nonsense. As he sets to fold the papers he notes a few fresh wet spots on it, and hurriedly he tries to get them off the paper.

He doesn’t have the heart or will to fake being fine. So he keeps the papers out and hopes the spots dry before sending these off. It took him too many tries at this one to do it all over again.

Flynn looks at the half eaten piece of cake near him. He takes a tentative bite.

_I hate this cake._

_/ If I ever created distorted songs with my hollow heart,  
I would become a ridiculous shadow of myself… /_

 

The others were stubborn about his fortieth birthday. Flynn didn’t have much of a say, because he comes home one night and there they all were. Presents, a better cake, smiles and laughter; everyone was here to celebrate the forty years of his life. Flynn looks shocked, laughs, accepts the cake and presents and carries on with them. From early evening to late night he socializes with all of those who became the usual persons in his life.

Karol is still the boss of Brave Vesperia, which has grown to rival nearly Altosk in size and power over the last nineteen years. So far he shows no interest in becoming Don, although Harry supposedly is going to make Karol his successor should anything happen. Flynn wonders what would the entirety of Dahngrest be like if or when Karol becomes the Don. He thinks Karol has matured beyond even that of Don Whitehorse, and believes the relations would only get better if Karol takes leadership. Brave Vesperia’s fame and glowing reputation is indicative of that.

“I can’t stay too long,” Karol says forlornly to Flynn after the sun sets. “Nan’s due soon, you know. I don’t want to miss anything of it.”

“Is she?” Flynn asks politely. “Then please don’t feel like you have to stay. Tell your wife I said hello.”

“I will! She actually picked out your present, you know.” Karol grins, and after a few more words, he is soon out the door to get home and tend to his wife. Flynn wonders about the child coming to the world, and thinks, _What a lucky child._

Rita gives Karol a friendly whack on the back when he leaves, but after so long she finally stops making it hurt. Rita has matured too, Flynn thinks; of course she had to improve her social interactions, since now Rita was not only the official top researcher for the Royal Family, she was also recently appointed Master Mage of New Aspio. She still has a fiery temper, as several times throughout the night Flynn catches her streaming profanities at Raven still. But Raven just gives her a pat on the head and after smacking his hand away Rita calms down. She lingers near Estelle most of the night when not teased or speaking idly with Flynn, and sometimes Flynn wonders if the rumor of an affair just might be true.

“I got a meeting in the morning,” Rita explains a couple hours after Karol departs. “Sorry to not stick around.”

Flynn smiles to her. “It’s quite alright, Rita. Is there anything I should be aware of?”

“Nah, just your typical Magi Circle crap. They just can’t decide things without me! Buncha brats is what they are.” Rita sticks her nose in the air, but she’s smiling. Flynn knows she enjoys schooling the younger and lesser experienced mages. Some things never change.

“Please be safe.” Flynn says, then glances to Estelle. “Will Lady Estellise be leaving with you?”

High Chancellor Estellise, third authority to the empire with Flynn and Ioder, was partially tipsy off wine and having a good laugh with Judith and Raven. She gushes at them over their various married life escapades and dramatically recalls stories she reads in books… or were actual happenings in court, Flynn wasn’t sure. When Rita looks to her as if to ask this same question, Estelle looks back and gives Rita what Flynn would call a flirty smile. Rita blushes and turns away, and Estelle giggles, giving both Raven and Judith a hug before she waltzes her way to Rita’s side.

“Rita, you’re leaving?” Estelle asks, and Flynn remembers Estelle never was good at alcohol, even weak and watered down ones.  “You can stay a little longer, can’t you?”

“I got a meeting in the morning Estelle,” Rita says, although she gives the royal girl a half hug. “I’ll see you in the afternoon though, okay?”

“Aww, okay.” Estelle gives her a fuller, tighter hug. A little bit of embarrassment and awkward words later, Rita leaves, and Estelle suddenly hugs Flynn.

“L-Lady Estellise, I think you shouldn’t have any more wine…” Flynn mutters, his arms rising as if to either hug back or push her away.

“Oh no no no, it wasn’t wine.” Estelle is quick to say, but before she can explain, Raven intervenes, handing Flynn a cup.

“It’s yer birthday and you haven’t had anythin’!” Raven chastises. Flynn can’t believe the man is fifty-four. He acts like he did nineteen years ago. Even when he acts like the captain of his little squad now, he still jokes. Flynn assumes Schwann is completely gone, and all that is left is Raven.

Raven has been incorporating both guild affairs with that of light knightly duties. The Schwann brigades had long since disbanded and absorbed into other brigades, but still Raven shows up to encourage his old soldiers. Flynn admires this, but still finds the man shocking even after all these years. Even at his own wedding, which Flynn sadly missed, he supposedly was late. It was good that Judith is a patient woman, and she simply shrugged off the lateness and the ceremony carried on.

“A little drink won’t hurt.” Judith says as she saunters over. In her inebriated state Estelle gives her a jealous look. Krityans age gracefully, and Judith was no exception, still as beautiful, graceful and curvy as ever. She raises her cup delicately. “A toast to the Commandant. Live a long, _happy_ life.”

And there it is.

All four raise their cups, and Flynn drinks it. It wasn’t wine; it was definitely something Raven brought. Strong, potent, going right to Flynn’s head and he pretends it was just what he needed. Some jokes were shared, some stories swapped. Raven was back in Altosk officially, but he refuses to be the right hand man, just as he refused the return of his captain rank. He’s too old, he says. Judith speaks of her trips back and forth to Myrozo, where she works with the newest Elder to ensure the Krityans continue to abide by the world order. Supposedly she is thinking of trying to revive Mt. Temza. Raven looks away when she brings it up, but Judith hugs him and kisses his temple, and Estelle gushes at the affectionate display. Raven perks up and gives her a kiss, and Flynn coughs, making everyone laugh afterwards.

Soon even they must go, the girls giving Flynn a hug and Raven giving him a hearty handshake.

“I’ll bring Repede Jr. next time,” Estelle promises. “But come by sometime, Flynn, and not just on business! We’d love to spend time with you. Repede too. Happy birthday…” she pauses, looking troubled for a moment but she just hugs him again and exits his house.

“Let me know when you want to take a break,” Judith tells him. “Ba’ul and I will be happy to fly you to Yumanju or something. You need to relax, have a good time.”

“You do.” Raven pitches in. “I left a bottle for ya too! Well, half. Enjoy it! See you next time, Flynn.” Hand in hand with Judith they leave, and Flynn closes the door.

He cleans up the place, storing away leftover food, tossing out trash and tucking the unopened presents into a corner.

As for Raven’s bottle, he contemplates dumping it.  
  


_Yuri,_

_I’m not one to complain. But honestly… I’m not stupid. I don’t see why, after nearly twenty years, your friends continue to think I am._

_I am aware of how hard I work. I enjoy my hard work. I enjoy the results of it. I like my home in Aurnion. I don’t need these reminders to be happy or have a good time. I have plenty of good times between work._

_I guess all that aside, my fortieth wasn’t too bad. Everyone is doing well. Karol will be a father soon, I’m pretty sure Estelle and Rita will stop being coy, and Raven and Judith will soon celebrate their anniversary. A shame they cannot have a child, but Raven never changes, so I guess they really don’t need one…_

_I’ll see Repede soon, hopefully. I’ll give him a pat from you, I’m sure you’d ask me to do that anyway. He’s too old to cross the ocean to come see me. But he’s ‘retired’ in the Lower Quarter and spends time with the children there. I’m sure he’s happy. Everyone else is._

_We all are. All of us._

_Yours,_  
Flynn  
  


Flynn tucks the letter into an envelope and stares at it. It wasn’t very important, save for all the updates on everyone’s life. Everyone’s but his. He only told Yuri about that so many times, he was probably sick of hearing of it.

Flynn wonders if these letters have any meaning at all.

Then he discards the thought. They had to. If they didn’t…

_/ And continually invaded by the wishes that will never become true,  
I endlessly repeat your name. /_

 

Flynn cries.

Everyone was really, but for once Flynn openly cries. He presses one hand over his eyes, unable to bear watching the box lower into the hole in the ground. Around him knights shift, dogs whine and Estelle leans into him a bit.

He can hear the words and noises, but all he knows is that someone else from his childhood, someone else from that ‘old world’ was in the dirt and gone.

Maybe crying over a dog wasn’t very Commandant-like, but Flynn can’t help it. When the dirt is shoveled over and the canine units are slowly leaving, he finally looks at the little grave. Not too far away was Hanks’. The inn woman’s was behind him. Ted’s uncle’s was nearby. The older generation was going, taking the memories of the old world with them.

Soon only Flynn, Estelle and ‘Junior’ as Estelle calls him now remain. Estelle kneels down and Junior nuzzles her cheek, licking up her tears, but Flynn remains standing. Wet tracks stream down his cheeks freely, and he just feels all the more alone, even with Estelle’s presence. He looks to the grave, Repede’s name marked clearly on it with both his rank within the knights and that of the guilds.

_You too?_

Flynn’s expression can’t stay stern or neutral. Not with tears falling down from his eyes. He barely managed that at Niren’s funeral. But Repede was family. He was someone Flynn treasured, a piece from his childhood, a mutual friend with Yuri.

_Yuri. And now Repede._

Flynn can’t look at Estelle. Can’t comfort her. He could barely comfort himself. He also didn’t want to look at the dog at her side, who looks just like Repede did in his prime. He debates not giving the dog the pipe in his hand.

But the pipe wasn’t rightfully his. Barely able to do it, Flynn looks to the dog, and Junior looks up at him. Young Repede looks at him. Flynn’s heart twists, the remains of it pulse and ache, but he slowly holds the pipe out to him.

Junior whines, the sound unsure. But he comes to a decision and takes the item in his mouth just like Repede did. When he looks back to Flynn, Flynn can’t look at him. He hears Estelle hug the dog, but he can’t look.

Gravestones were everywhere. They were the only things Flynn saw, it seems.  
  


_Yuri,_

_Repede’s gone. He left a wonderful legacy. All of his pups are renowned dog knights, assigned to some of the best of the ranks. I think they’re what make the human parts better. Even the one Estelle has is considered part of the Royal Guard. With Repede’s pipe, I swear he was Repede himself._

_Is Repede with you? I miss you both. Tell him I’m sorry I didn’t send him off with his pipe. He probably misses it… but I think he’d like knowing one of his sons carry it, and his legacy._

_Yuri, I don’t know what to feel now. Maybe it’s still too soon but with Repede gone I just don’t know anymore. Something about all of this… feels so empty. I wish I had some indication that these_   
  


Flynn angrily grabs the letter on opposite sides and rips it apart. He pulls out a fresh sheet, pen to paper, and tries again.  
  


_Yuri,_

_I’m sure you already know, but Repede’s gone. Is he there with you? Make sure he knows everyone is so proud of him. I already miss him. I hope he isn’t upset I didn’t send his pipe off_   
  


Noise everywhere. Flynn throws the sheet and clears the desk with one swipe of his arm before he folds both on the table and hides his face from the world. Send off. _Send off._ Twenty-two years and he keeps using the same stupid phrase!

He says he’s okay. Flynn thinks he is. But right now he isn’t. Repede’s death was too soon to deal with this right now. Repede’s death.

Send off. Repede’s death.

Yuri’s death. Send off.

A high-pitched sound slips out from Flynn as he tries to hold it back, but he starts to cry again. He isn’t even sure if he cries from some deep pain or he’s crying out tears that had waited twenty-two long years to finally slip out.

He wasn’t sure if he could keep writing these letters anymore.

_/ Frozen deeply, like a sleep from which there is no awakening._  
Drowned deeply, as if I was sunk into the cage of Hell.  
Pushed off very cruelly, to the point of even forgetting this pain. /

 

Flynn doesn’t write letters anymore. At least, for a while he didn’t. Two years he didn’t put pen to paper and write a letter. He feels emptier each day he doesn’t.

That was a lie. Each day he feels fuller. Full of words and feelings he can’t blurt out because everyone else has moved on. Estelle and Rita finally came to public about their relationship; he was invited to their marriage ceremony later this month. Flynn doesn’t want to go; he feels bad and doesn’t want to be the negative person in what’s a happy moment. But if he doesn’t, they’ll worry. Or maybe they’ve given up on him. Flynn decides for once he’ll go… at least show up. Show up, say a happy word or two and leave, so he doesn’t drag anyone down.

Karol has a family, his wife and children healthy. He’ll be Don soon. Raven and Judith have officially started the work on reconstruction Temza. The world flourishes and Flynn finds himself still feeling the same pains and aches from twenty-four years ago. Maybe they all felt the same but they were just better at dealing with it.

Flynn resolves to talk to someone. It would help, maybe.

Before he knows it though, Flynn is at his desk, pen to paper.  
  


_Yuri,_

_I’m sorry._

_I guess I haven’t been as okay as I thought. Things are piling up… at the same time they’re sort of calming. But I realize I have to stop trying to shoulder everything._

_Rita and Estelle are getting married. It’ll be the first royal wedding. Ioder is still looking for a proper empress, but already he has given his consent to their matrimony. I’ll go. I’m going to go to their wedding and be happy for them._

_I talk like I’m not already. I am happy for them. I’m happy for everyone. I’m happy for this new world we’ve been cultivating for so long. It’s so beautiful, Yuri. You, Repede, Hanks, everyone. You’d love it. I hope you see it all and realize how great it is, despite the hardships we had to overcome without blastia._

_You can see everything, can’t you? You probably know some of my letters have been less than honest. I hope, when you got them, you weren’t too angry. I hope you can be a little patient with me. Just a little longer. It’s still so hard to accept. All this time it’s still so hard. I think I know why._

_I think I know why I didn’t try enough before. I think I know why I threw myself into work only. But I’m still not sure. Because if this is the answer I can’t bear it. I know if this is the answer and I admit to it… Yuri, you know me. You probably know the truth. But I can’t…_

_I’ll break if I accept this._

_Be patient. I’ll find the truth soon. I’ll accept it all soon. But just be a bit more patient with me. Please._

_Yours,  
Flynn_

_/ Going even crazier._  
Going to my end.  
Tearing myself up until not even my form remains. /

 

He whimpers with every step. Each time his foot meets the ground the pain jolts from the deep wound up his spine and strikes his head, breaking apart to shower all over the rest of his insides. His blood was hot and slick under the armor and clothes, but he keeps walking. Step after step. Sway after sway. He hears the barely won victory behind him. He hears people calling for him, but Flynn walks away. Step after step.

_You aren’t here anymore._

Flynn has to use his sword as a cane, keeping him on his feet so he can continue to walk. His forearm presses over the wound, but it was in vain. Too much blood. Even if they got him back to the Aurnion hospital there was no hope. He has to get back there. He has one more letter. After a year he finally writes those words somewhere, spills all of his thoughts, his feelings, onto the unforgiving white of the paper in the color of black ink. Out of all the letters of importance this one _has_ to be sent off. He has to hurry. But he can’t. Step after step, slow but steady. He feels himself slipping but he keeps going. He has to get there.

_You　aren't　here　anymore.  
_

He should have not let Yuri out of his sight at Zaude. Even if he had been hit, he should have been able to get back up. He should have kept Yuri safe. If he wasn’t such a failure Yuri would be safe, Yuri would be alive. Yuri would know. Step after step. Almost there. Almost to the end.

Flynn knows he should have stayed in Zaphias instead of hiding in Aurnion. He should have helped more with the Lower Quarter. Helped Hanks more before he died. He should have been there for Hanks. For the inn keeper, for all the people who died while he was a coward on another landmass. Flynn should have properly taken care of his home. He didn’t fulfill his promise after all. Their promise meant more than just those surface words… it was to love their home no matter what. Flynn failed. He knows this now.

_You 　　aren't　　here　　　anymore.  
_

Flynn knows he should have gone to Raven and Judith’s wedding. To Karol’s even. He should have enjoyed their company more. He should have visited Repede more, visited Ted at Heliord. A particularly sharp pain wrenches itself through his body and Flynn whimpers, tears pricking his eyes. He should have kept in touch better.

He should have not pined his life away. What life? Flynn didn’t live for twenty-five years. Aside from work he did nothing. His life was for the majority of it, wasted. Anything he did, a decent person could have done. Estelle and Ioder would have done. Flynn failed. He knows this. He failed to thrive, to live.

Flynn knows he failed Yuri.

He makes it to the grave, dropping on his hands and knees before it. Blood spills from his wound, staining the grass, but he tries to push the pain aside. He tries to dig. He doesn’t care where. He just needs to dig. To send this letter. Every move makes the pain worse, reminds him of his wasted life, full of regrets, of should haves and discarded could haves.

Flynn tries to dig. His vision blurs with tears and blood loss. His motions slow, and he barely makes a hollow hole in the earth. He tries to get his sword, to cut into the ground, but he can’t even lift it. He tries to get the letter free from his tunic, even if it was stained with blood and a little ripped, it has to be sent.

Flynn falls before the lonely sword, eyes on the hand holding that letter. Tears continue to fall out of him as does his strength and life. He can’t send it. He fails, even in that. Just another regret to add…

_You　　　aren't　　　here　　　anymore…_


End file.
